How meditation can help with grief and mourning

What is grief?

Grief is the processing of loss. Often when people think of grief they think of the death of a loved one, but this is not necessarily the case. You can also mourn losing your job, the breakdown of a relationship or leaving home.

Grief is a complex experience that can cause both physical and emotional reactions. Grief can negatively affect your mental well-being and make it impossible to accomplish your daily tasks.

The symptoms of grief are:

• Excessive focus on the loss and paying little attention to other things
• Excessive focus on memories of the loss or avoiding them altogether
• Having difficulty accepting the loss
• A sense of numbness or detachment
• Anger over the loss
• Depressive feelings (feeling that life has no meaning)
• No trust in others
• Not being able to enjoy life anymore
• Withdrawing from yourself
• Having difficulty completing daily tasks
• Feeling that you have done something wrong

The grieving process

Everyone experiences grief at some point in his or her life. Yet each person experiences grief differently. The grieving process differs from person to person and often does not follow a linear path. Most people go through five stages when processing a major loss. And although the grief process is much more complex than these five stages, the model can offer support, recognition and clarity.

The Five Stages of Grief

The five stages of grief were invented in 1969 by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross after years of working with terminally ill people.

Initially, the five stages of grief were developed for people who were ill. Later, it became a model for better coping with grief.

The five stages of grief are:

1. Denial

Denial can look like, "She's not gone. She could be here again at any moment" and is actually a way of protecting yourself. You allow the grief to come at your own pace. When a relationship breaks down, for example, this may be: "He made a mistake. He'll probably come back to me."

2. Anger and Protest

Sadness and anger often go together. But actually anger has a masking effect. Anger is often a mask for all the grief you feel. This anger can be directed at something or someone else, such as the deceased person, an ex-partner or an incurable illness.

3. Negotiating and fighting

Feelings of helplessness are not uncommon during the grieving process. Therefore, many people try to gain a sense of control. For example, they pick up healthy habits and routines in hopes that everything will be okay again. You will also ask a lot of "what if" questions during this phase. "What if I had spent more time with him or her? Would that person still be here?"

This is actually your body's defense mechanism to further delay grief.

4. Depression

There comes a point when you can no longer run away from painful emotions and you have to face the grief. You may find yourself isolating yourself, experiencing a lot of gloom and having a lot of negative thoughts. Depression is not easy and can be tremendously overwhelming. If you get stuck in this phase, it may be advisable to talk to a professional.

5. Acceptance

Acceptance does not have to mean being happy or grateful for the loss. Nor does it mean that you never experience feelings of anger or depression again. Acceptance means acknowledging what has happened and adjusting to the new reality.

How long does each stage of grief take?

Grief is a process without a timeline. While for some it takes a few weeks to process the loss, others take a lifetime. Grief is also not linear. You may feel like you've accepted the loss one day and then experience somberness the next. It is also common to go back a phase or to skip a phase of grief.

How does meditation help process grief?

To process loss, it is important not to ignore or deny emotions. In the short term, you may be less bothered by difficult emotions, but the grief will never go away. Unprocessed grief can "store up" in the body and later cause physical and emotional symptoms.

Meditation helps process grief by creating a space in which you can be consciously present with your emotions and thoughts. Without judging them, wishing them away or pushing them away. Regular meditation teaches you to look at yourself with more compassion. You begin to understand that the loss is not your fault and that feeling grief is a normal human experience.

Grief can be tremendously overwhelming and you may not know how to deal with these emotions. Meditation helps you find peace in the midst of the storm of emotions. This is because meditation teaches you to observe your thoughts and emotions, rather than react immediately.